3 Reasons Toxic People Hate You (And Why That's Actually Good)
have you been doubting yourself?
Overthinking over promising,
over explaining, and generally
worried you're the problem.
Maybe it's worse than that.
Are you, dare I say the dreaded scapegoat?
Look, if there are toxic people
around and they don't like the
cut of your jib, here's the thing.
If you're not toxic, but you're gonna be
around toxic people, then like it or not.
You got your own issues too.
But thankfully if you have
boundaries you can grow.
Just don't go thinking you can change
your way outta someone else's Crazy.
Sooner or later, chickens
come home to roost.
You're gonna trigger some narcissistic
rage with all these qualities
you say you like to keep lots of
people around, you tend to break off
and experience things for yourself.
Not so fast.
If you have a narc in your friend
group, they're not gonna like that.
Here's why.
It's all about them.
Picture this, you decide
to take a pottery class.
A normal person thinks "cool.
Pottery".
A narcissist thinks "how dare you have
interests that don't revolve around me.
What's next?
Breathing without my permission.?
Your independence threatens
their entire worldview.
They need you dependent, asking
permission from them, seeking
their approval for every decision
In their mind you're basically
a supporting character in
the movie of their life.
And supporting characters
don't get their own plot lines.
They'll start with subtle
sabotage, "pottery?
It's so random.
Are you going through something?"
Then they'll escalate to
full emotional terrorism.
"I guess our friendship doesn't
matter anymore since you're
too busy playing with clay."
The contextual factor here, this
stems from their core wound.
They never developed a sense of self.
Your autonomy reminds them
of what they're missing.
It's like showing a starving person a
sandwich and eating it in front of them.
Game plan.
Do not J-A-D-E.
That means justify, argue,
defend, or explain your choices.
"I'm taking pottery"
is a complete sentence.
When they guilt trip, you just
say, "that's an interesting
perspective", and change the subject.
They're fishing for a reaction.
Don't take the bait.
Fake it until you make it.
Is the name of the game for toxic people.
No matter what it looks like deep down,
they hate that you get to walk around
secure, comfortable, likable, and dare
I say, influential without even trying.
Here's what's absurd.
They're basically method actors
who forgot they're in a play.
They've been performing the likable
person for so long, they lost
track of who they actually are.
Meanwhile, you're just, being
yourself and somehow you're
getting the applause they deserve.
So how do you spot one of these people?
There's always one of them.
They're at a wedding.
Take a look out in the dance floor.
They'll be working harder than a
one-legged cat in a sandbox, just
trying to be the center of attention.
Think Regina George from Mean Girls.
The contextual reality, your
authenticity triggers their shame.
Every genuine reaction you have
reminds them they're wearing a mask.
It's like being the only sober
person at a party full of drunk
people you can see clearly and
and that makes them uncomfortable.
Yeah, sure.
They'll try to dim your light
by making you self-conscious.
"You're just so natural.
Maybe you should like
try a little harder".
Translation: your effortless
authenticity is making my exhausting
performance look pathetic.
Look, when the mask comes
off, you're not gonna like it.
Maybe they had a bad day.
Maybe they lost their temper.
No, no.
Don't try to empathize
your way out of this one.
The golden rule isn't a
thing with these people.
For them, it's treat
other people how I want.
Full stop.
Game plan.
Stay in your authenticity lane.
When they try to shame your naturalness.
Remember their discomfort
with your authenticity.
Says everything about them
and nothing about you.
Keep being genuine.
Believe me, it's much better.
This one is chef's kiss levels
of narcissistic kryptonite.
You can fight them.
You can try.
They can burn the world down and back.
They will destroy themselves.
Full on kamikaze style nuclear.
Self-destruct.
Just to make sure you notice them.
It's like a toddler having
a meltdown because you won't
watch them do a cartwheel.
Now, imagine that toddler is
45 years old and has access
to your social media accounts.
They so desperately need to
affect others outside themselves.
You know, the term energy vampires.
Well, instead of blood, they feed
on your emotional reactions, your
anger, tears, frustration it's
all narcissistic supply to them.
When they can't get a reaction,
they flip the F it switch.
They'll escalate until you respond.
First, it's passive
aggressive in the comments.
Then it's involving mutual friends,
then full on scorched earth.
Fine.
If you won't pay attention
to me, I'll burn it all down.
The contextual factor, their entire sense
of self depends on external validation.
Being ignored, doesn't just
hurt their feelings, it
threatens their very existence.
It's like cutting off oxygen to a fire.
They'd rather have you
hate them than ignore them.
Hate is still attention.
Indifference?
That's their worst nightmare.
So get ready for that and
get ready to Gray Rock.
Gray rock means
boring responses, minimal
engagement, emotional flatness.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, that's nice.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, sounds like fun.
Hmm.
Oh,
master the art of strategic indifference.
Don't reward bad behavior with attention.
Even negative attention.
When they escalate, that's proof.
Your boundaries are working.
Document everything if you need to,
but don't engage with the chaos.
Remember, their emergency
is not your emergency.
If this is hard for you, the
best revenge is served cold.
You don't have to engage with the chaos.
You don't have to prove that
you're not what they say you are.
You just have to protect your peace.
These people exhaust themselves.
Just trying to get a reaction
from someone who's moved on.
Meanwhile, you're here living your best
life, taking pottery classes, being
authentically yourself and not giving them
the attention they're desperately craving.
That's not cruel, that's healthy.
Which of these triggers
have you seen in action?
Come on, let's call out the pattern
so others can spot them too.