5 Reasons to Cut Off Toxic People in 2025

Jonathan Murphy: Hello, my name
is Jon Murphy, psychiatric nurse

practitioner, and you are listening
to another episode of Toxic.

Today.

I got a little treat for you.

It's a little bit of a list.

Five reasons Toxic
people gotta go in 2025.

Let's just jump right into it here.

Number one, they drain your energy.

Walking on eggshells.

How about waking up in the morning?

You just hung out with friends or family.

You should feel pretty good, right?

Wrong.

You wake up and you hear,
it's like the doomsday bell.

Shouldn't be that way.

After hanging out with friends or
family, you should feel restored.

Work is work, but if you're around
coworkers, it shouldn't be awful.

It shouldn't be painful.

It shouldn't be draining.

It should give you more energy.

It should recharge you.

So when you return to work,
you feel better than ever.

If that's not your reality
I think they gotta go.

Number two, they make you sick,
physically sick, nauseous.

You ever get a pit in your stomach?

My nerves got the best of me.

The reality is we have a nervous system.

Connects our brain and our body.

The electrical signals we experience life.

We see, we feel, we hear, we touch, we
smell, and we interact most importantly,

the people that we interact with we
feel a certain way in response to them.

Your crazy Aunt Sally is fallen
over drunk at the Christmas party.

Ah, stressful.

The boss that you just can't stand.

The guy in the break room that
microwaves his tuna fish, they gotta go.

But you can't say anything.

We bind up inside and lock it in.

We freeze up, feel stressed,
we overthink about it.

Well, all that stress is supposed to be
reserved for a true survival instinct.

You're in a bar fight,
you're in the jungle.

That's when you're gonna
want that super extra power.

Like the woman that has to
lift up a car to get to her

baby that rolled under the car.

If we're undergoing stress,
it comes at an expense.

Stress makes our blood sugar go up.

It makes our heart race, it
makes our blood pressure go up.

We need all this stuff to
move, but we need to rest too.

And if we're chronically stressed,
you're probably sick too.

I would know this.

I have MS and I believe that was tied
to my toxic childhood and toxic mother.

But don't just take my word for it.

One of the things I notice with patients,
and I think, oh, they're probably

from dysfunctional family environment,
is autoimmune disorders inflammatory

issues, celiac's disease, it's usually
chronic stress and certainly for anyone

in the medical field, they'll, they're
gonna tell you what's the thing that we

should always avoid among anything else.

Stress.

Stress is the killer and people,
social dynamics and social

situations are gonna be the number
one thing that cause us stress.

Why?

Because we rely on people when
we're born and when we grow.

We rely on people, we need them, and
we establish bonds . They help us

understand our place in the world.

We feel safe or we don't, but we're
gonna stick around either way.

And if we do, we're gonna feel
pretty stressed out about it.

And we won't trust people,
but we need people to survive.

We're social creatures.

So as we go out into the world
and feel stressed, maybe you're an

adolescent, you still need people.

You still need bonds.

But we don't need people in the same way.

And then when you're an adult,
you're gonna do best to actually

stop and think about this stress
and wonder, what do I do about it?

But the answer is not gonna
be automatic and immediate.

Where is the stress coming from?

In order to do that, we need to
reckon with the fact that involuntary

reactions occur because of people
that we happen to be around, and if

we have a choice, we should start
thinking about making the right choice.

Excuse me, Tom, I'd really
appreciate it if you didn't microwave

your tuna in the break room.

As uncomfortable as it might be, there's
gonna be a way to communicate it.

What's the other option?

Don't go in there?

We have to feel comfortable in the
environments we choose to be in.

And if we're not, it's really
important that we communicate it.

Then we're gonna understand we
know how to move in the world

and that stress will be reduced.

Number three, they make you crazy.

Gaslighting.

Triangulation.

Have you ever gotten into a
fight with a toxic person?

I didn't do that.

No, I didn't.

What do you mean?

I don't know.

I don't know what you're talking about.

No, you're crazy.

I'm not crazy.

You're crazy everything's fine.

You name it, they'll do it.

There's so many different
manipulative behaviors they're

gonna scheme and they're gonna plan.

And if you're getting in the
way of their sweet narcissistic

supply, you're in big trouble now.

Now you're a threat.

And they'll stop at
nothing to destroy you.

Your emotional manipulation is their
benefit, now we're thinking our mind's

going, pay attention to that because that
mind that's racing is a survival response.

At one point in time, it
probably worked pretty good.

Let me just ignore everything that's going
on over here and let me just think about

this cool book or play d and d over here.

But the reality is that thinking
used to work and now it doesn't.

I used to be able to think about stuff
and feel better, the problem is that's

because you depended on people now.

You can't think your way out of this.

What we need to do is identify, wow, this
thing is living in my head, rent free.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

Why can't I stop future tripping?

I looked back at things I
said and did, and I cringe.

That's making you crazy.

And the worst thing we can
do is deny our reality.

We have that feeling, oh
my God, I don't like it.

I think they're taking advantage of me.

Uh, no, take it away.

No, no, no.

I'm the bad guy.

I'm an idiot.

I shouldn't think that.

We feel something in response
to the environment and our

brain goes, no, you're an idiot.

We're out of alignment, and this is
where I see patients have bipolar

episodes, mood irregularity, you name it.

As we move in the world, we
understand that we can relax.

We had to grow to get to this point.

So if you're coming from a place of
chronic stress, I'm here to say that

you can feel better so long as you
take the steps to remove toxic people

from your life in the year 2025.

Number four, in the list, they
do not want what's best for you.

In my early days, I said to myself,
I just want what's best for everyone.

It's the golden rule.

Isn't that what everyone thinks?

No, not at all.

And if you care about
other people, good job.

It's a great feeling to help
other people selflessly.

However, not everyone
shares in this delight.

The greatest thing we have to
gain through life compassion,

love, appreciation for each other.

Narcissistic people, toxic people, they
miss out on the best parts of life.

They likely are the products of
unimaginable abuse, but does that mean

it's okay to deal with their crap?

Not at all.

We can feel bad about it, but that does
not mean it needs to drain us and ruin us.

Narcissistic people, they're
motivated in a particular way.

What they're doing in the social
environment is seeking to gain

something called narcissistic supply.

The social landscape is manipulated
and moved in such a way as

the narcissist can feel either
superior or set apart in some way.

Maybe I'm the bigger victim, I'm better
than you, you're outta control and

you're crazy and I get to pull the
strings and that makes me feel good.

'cause I'm so lonely and so
insecure I need other people to

make me feel better of myself.

That's very dangerous for
empathetic people out there.

It is important to set limits and
work toward appropriate and healthy

boundaries with the most toxic people.

Not only because we can, but because
it's important that we show these people

that it's not appropriate to be abusive
verbally, physically, and sexually, and

we need to hold other people accountable
when it comes to access to us who we are

and what we do, and what we have to offer.

If we're holding onto toxic people in
2025 that means we're saying no to the

many opportunities and relationships
that we can have, with like-minded people

that do care and can add to our life and
to make us feel better and build us up.

That brings us to number five.

They will never change.

I think there's a good argument for this,
that narcissistic people, they can't even

differentiate you and I and I and me.

What do you mean?

You're my kid?

No, no, that's, you're mine.

You don't go anywhere.

I want you to live at home forever.

That type of stuff.

how dare you grow up?

Who do you think you are
growing up and getting a job?

Oh, yeah.

Once you go down the street with
all that healthy communicating

you've been doing lately.

They'll never change and when you
get better at communicating, one of

the things that got me into mental
health was - it's crazy on this

psych unit, but there are rules.

Learning the rules of communication,
understanding how to manage

myself was really comforting.

See, the problem was,
I didn't realize that.

I can't change enough
to change other people.

Let me say that again.

You can't change enough
to change other people.

All emotions are normal.

If you're ever blamed for how
you feel, that's not normal

and it is definitely toxic.

So what we need to figure
out is when we're triggered.

If you're freezing up, if you're
stressed, if your energy's drained,

we need to protect that because if
we're gonna do anything, if we're truly

going to eliminate toxic people from
our life in 2025, we have to figure

out and take stock for how involuntary
our emotions and reactions are.

The things that we've been
through, this idea of being

triggered has been weaponized.

We need to take it back.

Physiologically we see something, we
feel something, we sense something.

Our heart races, or depending on
the person we overthink, maybe we

dissociate, maybe we push away.

We have different ways of doing this,
but understanding those patterns is

gonna help us reflect and move toward.

Healthy communication, which means
setting boundaries verbally based

on how we feel, and then allowing
whomever to actually respond to us.

Then we'll know what we need to do next.

It's not enough to push someone
away and saying, get outta here, and

yelling and screaming or slamming
the door and saying, I'm the idiot.

I'm sorry.

where we get to practice
communicating in a healthy way.

And if you were raised in a toxic family
or understand what it's like to be

around toxic people from a young age.

The idea of emotions and boundaries
and all of this stuff, you probably

weren't able to do any of it I'll
let you in on a little secret.

If you're listening to this video,
it is very likely that you can change

someone that's narcissistic, would
never seek out this type of self-help

content unless there was an audience.

So if you're here, that
means you can heal.

But we're not gonna be able to
heal in a toxic environment.

So those are five reasons to say goodbye
to toxic people in the year 2025.

Thanks for checking out
another episode of Toxic.

This is Jon Murphy, psychiatric nurse
practitioner, and we'll see you next time.